Intoxicated Pirates.

I got harassed by a drunk pirate tonight, and I'm totally not joking, and you're probably really confused. So let's start from the beginning like we always do.

My mom has this best friend who always wears her hair in a french twist and cusses like a sailor, and tonight she took my mom and I out to this gorgeous seafood restaurant overlooking the harbor.

It was absolutely enchanting. I had the best coconut shrimp and rice pilaf I will ever have, and loved every second of being able to see the twinkling city lights in the distance.

So after we left my now favorite restaurant, we decided to walk along the pier because we all agreed that we looked too cute NOT to walk along the pier.

And we wanted to scope out the rich guy situation.

And can I just say that there were SO many yachts. So many yacht parties. So many people smelling like cigarettes and beer.

So anyway, to the point. And I know you're probably relieved because this is the soonest I've ever gotten to a point. We walked by a restaurant entitled "Jolly Rogers" (classy, right?) and as soon as we did out came a group of people dressed as pirates.

"Arr!" Growled the tallest of the bunch, who was obviously intoxicated. "We be lovin' the Jolly Rogers!"

My mom and her friend burst out laughing, and I just kind of smiled and nodded at the pirates. I've always liked the idea of pirates, even intoxicated ones. Because all pirates are alcoholics. They can't help it.

BUT WHY IS THE RUM GONE?!

Anyway, a shorter pirate with his arm slung around a fellow female pirate's shoulders pointed a wobbly finger at me and said "Yarr! We do, we do! But you wenches be dressed funny!"

I don't know which insult was worse, the fact that he called me a wench or the fact that he didn't like my outfit. But my mom's friend quickly thought of a reply faster than I could due to her lack of speech filter and said, quite loudly "Well your hat looks like you need to feed it!"

And it DID look like an animal. It was a bunch of huge feathers clumped together and looked like some kind of shaggy creature. But continuing on with my love of pirates I said "Yeah, but I kinda like it," with a shrugged shoulder.

But the pirates didn't care about my optimism regarding their fashion, they just stumbled over to a nearby sweet shop and probably proceeded to infuriate the poor employee working there that night. I still feel bad for whoever they are.

And then this next part has to be one of the most exciting things to happen to me EVER. I saw this guy who happens to be Kai Kalama who happens to have been on AMERICAN IDOL.

I know you think I'm crazy and that I imagined it, but I stand firm in my belief that I didn't. Here's why:

1. He sang "What Becomes of the Brokenhearted" and made the crowd clap on the show, and that's one of my favorite oldie songs EVER, and I don't forget someone who is able to sing so well that the audience is actually in sync with their clapping. Even if he did only make it to the first round.
2. I just looked up his information because I'm a celebrity obsessed stalker, and I found out he lives in SAN CLEMENTE. Which is like 5 MINUTES AWAY FROM THE CITY I WAS IN. And therefore the city he was also in.

So of course it was him.

I realized it was him just as he was walking away after talking to a crowd of friends, and after I had done about five double takes to make sure it was him so that I wouldn't get teased about it later if it wasn't him, I tugged at my mom's friend's shirt sleeve and whispered "I think that guy was on American Idol!"

But it took her awhile to hear this as she was so engrossed in a conversation with my mom, and when she finally did pay attention to what I was saying she pretty much shouted "WHO? WHERE? REALLY?" which was followed by a round of shushing from me.

Just as she caught a glimpse of him, he was already too far away to chase down, and when my mom's friend desperately asked me his name so that she could obnoxiously yell it out in the hope that he would turn around and we could have an experience that would later result in stories about how we actually TALKED to someone from American Idol, I couldn't remember. Not even the first letter. I went blank.

But I know it was him. No one has hair like that.

And on our way back to the car we saw another group of pirates, a different group from before, and one of the guys even yelled out "Look, Wenches!"

What is with this wench stuff.

It kind of makes me lose a little bit of love for pirates.


.....

Actually, no. That's not possible.